Normality; folk remedies

More than any other word, 'normal' captures the split between Anglophone and Russophone mindsets. For a native speaker of English, normal means standard, ordinary, boring. This is neither a good nor a bad thing– it's simply average, free of interest. It is not a compliment, although calling something abnormal can be insulting.

By contrast, in Russian, calling something normal is praise indeed. While the denotation is the same, the secondary meaning of нормальный differs considerably, almost to the extent of being a false cognate. Even dictionaries will note that this word means not only acceptable, but also good (though it stems from the same root of norm). When the most common answer to "How are you?" is "Normal," it's evident that something else is going on. People routinely describe their possessions and property as normal in unexpectedly proud tones. However, the high value placed on standardization grows clearer the more you listen. You can hear it when vendors extol their goods as normal, and especially when teachers furiously tell their students that things would be better if they would only behave like normal people. For me, the moment of clarity came last year, while watching a show for teenagers. The hero was preventing a relationship from occurring, and trying to let the girl down easily. However, amidst his 'it's not you, it's me' speech, I distinctly heard the words, "Zhenya, you're a normal girl." In her position, I would have boxed his temple. I'm a normal girl? I hope that's not all you can say about me! But poor Zhenya just looked at him with sad eyes and accepted her fate.

Probably the oddest thing about this whole situation is the fact that the most common word for excellent (отличный) means outstanding, i.e. something that differs. Oh well- greater minds than mine have been baffled by this language wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.

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Some time earlier, I was suffering from a certain virus that manifests itself as a small unsightly spot. No real problem, but an irritation. My landlord, who is a med student, has two encyclopedias of folk remedies at home, and I checked them out. Eventually, I used something ultra-modern, but here are some purported remedies for your amusement.

1. Grind up garlic, mix it with rendered lard, smear it on cloth, attach it to the wart, and change the preparation every day.
2. Apply a lump of moist, fresh frog or sparrow meat to the wart, three or four nights in a row. (I am not making this up)
3. If there are a few average warts, then determine which is the biggest, bind it around the root with a silk thread or a horse hair so tightly that it pales. In two or three days, it will fall off and the other warts will spontaneously disappear.
4. Smaller young warts may shrink when smeared with dandelion sap.

There are also suggestions for 'psychotherapy,' but they are just so out there that I'd rather not translate. However, I will note that the herb that surely has the coolest Russian name is coltsfoot. In Russian, it's called Mother and Stepmother!